mary poppins' carpet bag ain't got nuthin' on my dooney

i decided it was time to clean out my purse when i reached in to get my wallet and my fingernails came out with some smooth gooey brown substance underneath them (please goddess, let this be chocolate and not the diaper i haven't been able to find). below is the inventory (i kid you not):

wallet
coupon wallet
lipstick
lippy (yes, they are different)
lotion. full-sized william sonoma lemon basil lotion. the full-size
13 sharpies (i love me some sharpies)
3 mechanical pencils
croquet ball
gold hoop earrings
3 pairs of MATCHING socks
1 pair of underwear (not mine...that era was over a looong time ago!)
a stamp set
stamp pad
keys
jellybeans
nailclippers
6 month old overdue bill (is that why i can't buy anything at children's place anymore? oops)
sippy cup
trader joe's deflated balloon (and i'm keeping this, why?)
diaper (unused)
paperclip (just one)
pulverized dion's crackers (some in the package, some out)
hair glitter (again, not mine. i turned that in with my crimper in the early 90's)
scissors
washable markers
princess camera
mouthwash
tooties
post-its
aquaphor
neosporin
germ fighter stuff
tweezers
fruit snacks
bubbles
2 books (1 child, 1 mine)
comp notebook
popcicle stick (used)


i wish i had the foresight to have had my camera to photograph this mess. oh well, you just have to take my word for it.

spanish 101 & other interesting lessons

our wonderful friend and cleaning lady was over the other day. when i first met her six years ago, the only english word she knew was seven. i kid you not. i asked her for her phone number and she said: cuatro zero uno, seven cinco seven dos. ok. now it's six years later and i am attempting to raise the next generation of trilingual speakers. currently gabri speaks english and spanish (about as well as palma does) and yaya speaks um, "english", is starting to lose her grasp on madarin, and is attempting to master spanish. she's just having a hard time with subject/verb agreement. so palma comes over the other day and yaya says, "hi palma!" and gabri rushes over to her and says in a hushed voice, "yaya, palma doesn't speak english, she's spanish. you can tell her, 'uno, dos, tres,' but that's all. oh, and she knows what adios and besos mean, too. please don't fluserate her."

more fun in the bathroom
we now have a ritual in the bathroom where we make lists of healthy foods that make your poo-poo softer because "everyone knows that hard poop can ruin your day" (exact words of my gabri):
blueberries? check.
strawberries? check.
broccoli? check.
edamame? check.
cookies? (sly smile) no!!! but we can have them every once in a while, right, mommy?
then we start singing and tapping on her knees (because that's another "secret" to elimination) and suddenly this bright light comes on behind her eyes and she yells,
mommy! do princesses poop?
of course they do...why do you think they're smiling & singing all the time?
hey just like us!

yes, my dear. just. like. us.

you might also want to check out:

ellemariephotography.blogspot.com

i have been fortunate enough to photograph some amazing people (which is why i haven't done much here...well, that and several other reasons!). their sessions are on the above site.
check it out!

now entering the land of the $?@! knock-knock joke

(me & gabri)
knock-knock.
who's there?
banana.
banana who?
don't cry it's just a joke!
(insert hysterical laughter)

knock-knock.
who's there?
gorilla.
gorilla who?
gorilla's sitting on your head!
(more hysterical laughter)

knock-knock.
who's there?
um, pillow.
pillow who?
um, pillow table!
(lauuuuughing!!!)

knock-knock.
who's there?
boo hoo.
boo hoo who?
boo hoo with a flower in her panties.
(haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...literal tears coming out of her little eyes because she is laughing so hard)


(gabri & elli)
g: knock-knock.
e: hysterical laughter
g: no! say "who's there?"
knock-knock.
e: who? (plus hysterical laughter)
g: NO! say "who's there", it's not funny yet.
knock-knock.
e: bana! (banana)
g: NO!!!! mooooo-oooooooooommmmm! elli's not playing right!!!! this is the worst day of my life (runs to her room and slams the door).

(now elli & me)
e: yok yok
me: who's there
e: nonni who
(laughter)

e: yok yok
me: who's there?
e: mommy who? (and then does her stevie wonder impersonation while laughing hysterically)

e: yok yok
me: daddy who?
e: noooooooooooooooooooooo (and throws herself on the floor in a rabid fit)